CAKE WARS

Imagining what ‘frequency’ I want right now, what I want. Seeing.. sort of like nucleotides floating around, a door of light, dinosaurs in party hats. They say you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but in order to believe this, it may serve you to question, who is ‘They’? also, it serves to ask, do you even want your cake? If you don’t want it, then you can have it for a while. And if you want it, then eat it! Then it’s inside you, and it’s yours in a different way. Why on earth would you want a bilocating cake? Actually, that’d be pretty neat. Or a cloned cake. OMG CAKE CLONE. Also, while you’re eating it, you do still have some of it, unless it’s the last bite. But I know what ‘They’ mean. This ominous, omnipresent ‘They’, who should always do more ‘they should really invent a better electron microscope that I can learn to use more quickly!’, who is always at fault, (maybe not, no examples are coming to mind), who is always watching ‘they’re…..’, well, my example bank is dry at the moment. No funds, no waters flow through my thoughts on they. Maybe it’s because there IS NO THEY. But that’s a bit of a tangent from cake. And cake, not gonna lie, (even if it’s a lie) is what’s important here.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too, the idea, the horrible idea, is that you are inevitably displaced from your object of desire. If you have it, if you control it, you can’t fully experience it. If you do choose to experience it, you can’t control it, you can’t own it, you can’t have it. Maybe it means something better than this, but I don’t really care to google it up right now. My interpretation is that you MUST have your cake in order to eat it. Because it’s about more than the cake itself. It’s about feeling the cake before it meets your taste buds, (‘we’re taste buds, we like how each other taste and are now buds’), it’s about allowing yourself to have it and believing you deserve it and being able to imagine what the essence the cake-eating experience provides for you. And knowing what it means for you! Honesty I’m not sure if I know what I’m saying, I don’t want to sound preachy or coachy even but I am just big on people getting what they want. With gratitude and a good attitude I don’t think there are much limitations on what we can have.

Desire…. The story of Chanukah, which I will embellish right now because frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn if it’s not hurting anybody and this ain’t an essay on historical events or a quest for truth in that field, though this should still aim for accuracy but god damn ok. CHANUKAH: menorah, you’ve probably seen them things (ripping off the friend’s writing style again, find him) needed oil to burnnnnnn. The miracle, post lots of wars and deaths and fighting for land and rights and freedom, freedom, freedom, was that the oil was only rationally sufficient for one day? Or two the most. Not many. BUT THE MENORAH, WITH ITS LIMITED SUPPLY OF OIL, burned for 8 days.

It’s the second night of Chanukah, and also Thanksgiving in America. I think it’s a good time to honor that spirit of gratitude, and of the experience of being resourceful and how we could do a LOT with what we already have.  Don’t love my tone right now, a bit pereachy. Peachy. Georgia state fruit!

But yes. Combine the idea that a little can go a long way (- the factors of divine intervention and war and chosen peoples?), with the idea that it is wise and good to give thanks (-facades of intercultural unity built over blood-tainted stories of murder and stuff), and we are met with the concept that gratitude actually is a force, not only a passive good feeling thing one should do, but an energy that attracts more of what you are grateful for. Maybe them macabeahs, jewish warriors who found that menorah, were thankful, so thankful for their victory that the oil burned, just kept burning, in response. I guess, we can be thankful for the cake we already have, and as we eat it, know that we can have as much as we like.

Raising frequency

of thought, feeling.

Fluid expression

experiences on Earth and imagination fused with desire and communication.

It Came With The Storm

Really the whole winter health agenda you’ll encounter in this video is an excuse to make a video about a talking rock.

(But I do want to explore some winter hacks here later)

The thing I’ve been vaguely seeing

And wanting and dreaming of, in feelings.

It’s based on love. That’s the essence. Love is in its soil, it grows out of that. Vibration. Feeling. Words can be difficult expressors of these things.

Sorry, a ramble. A stream of thought.

This place. It’s a city shrouded in mist. It’s urban Avalon.

It’s what I want. My fish of desire.

The library of Alexandria; was watching the old Cosmos with a friend a few nights ago, and this place was mentioned. Its feeling overlaps with what I am imagining. A place of great knowledge and learning, discovery and innovaaaaation. Swirling holographic movie theatres and history reenactment banks and beams of light soaring through the sky and spaceship factories. And love pulsing through it, and forest gardens and a huge co-creative commitment with NATURE. With the universe, a respect for it. A love for it.

Middle of the Night Club!

This post is brought to you by the frequency of the middle of the night. In Richmond, Virginia.

My life is a little wild, that’s probably the wrong word, right now. Well, not RIGHT now. Hopped ship from Montreal, visiting a dear friend (not a deer friend, the magic is not yet powerful enough) in the South. I have passed through a whole bunch of US cities already, the one inconvenient but most appealing one being Philidelphia. No idea why. I just wanted to go there, for a bit. A chunk. A sliver of time. It was great. I also have no idea why.

So far I have held a girl’s bright red and gorgeous crochet on a bus (‘excuse me, I just really like what you’re making. Can I… hold it.’, yeah, that could have been communicated differently. But goddamn, godfuck, it felt good. Like a blanket of primacy. I was tired. I needed it.

I wrote a post for this blog on paper, on that bus. That was brought to you by the frequency of JOY. And having one’s own space. Important, on a bus. Sent out my most territorial waves into the sea, nothing unwilling came back. Felt kind of powerful? Felt relieved. The intention was similar to the shield I have up with the woman I mentioned in the last post. Allow in goodness, information, love. Deny and reject any negativity that doesn’t also carry with it value, alchemize, if possible, what I can.

I also spent time communicating with a quirky lady from Philly, on the bus ride there. Hey Emily, if you’re reading this. Everything about Philadelphia sort of made sense. Could be the big-on-liberty pride emanating from that place? Liberty bell, Independence Hall, flags everywhere, as everywhere.

In the bus station, headed towards here,  a man was talking to himself. Felt a positive feeling in the chest, thought, fuck it, and spoke to him. Though it was pretty funny to watch the three young women sitting near him looking terrified to God all hell. Guy was a traveler, hasn’t worked since 1988, he said. Hasn’t ridden a car either. Takes freight trains (free travel?), been to most states, mentioned he was crazy (seemed the stereotype good) (I WAS SAFE DON’T WORRY WORRIERS) and when I inquired, he told me he gets money from the government every month for his mental illness. Has to play the part. I think he was kidding. Guy told me women are inferior, a character, this guy. I was just curious. Thought maybe someone he could talk to would be helpful in some way. I tried to shake his hand when leaving, and he refused. Said he only shakes the hands of very few, and in fact, he mostly only likes himself. Must be lonely, I said, but don’t think he heard. Leaving, he came to say goodbye. Goodbye, Erica (YES I TOLD HIM MY NAME IT DOESN’T MEAN I WILL BE KIDNAPPED TO TEXAS ON A FREIGHT TRAIN OK), he said, something like that. Shook my hand. I had given him a paper with ‘wish energy magic’ on it. He asked for moonshine tomorrow, champagne. Had just been coming from NYC, (but wait a second, was also going to NYC?), made wrecks even worse there.

Sitting in a bus station right now, eating food that could use some acupuncture, too tired to ask the right questions.

This is written in a fairly free flow style, drawing in the power of the planet and the cosmos, though not, and emitting it through my throat. Those are the backstage dynamics that will get changing spotlights. I also want to work on more thought out pieces, more researched, more solid. This is the water.

 

More cosmic orgy

I sit on a white computer chair. Not that the chair is a computer. Mother Earth has vines wrapped around me, twisting inside me. My tongue reaches up and energy and information pours down. Juice of divinity. I don’t have time to lick my lips. These words are fronts. They don’t even plug in the cash register. They are fronts for frequency.

The frequency, the NRG I want right now is sexual, is kinetic, is cosmic, is earthy, is alive. It comes to me when I ask myself what I want, in images, in feelings. Frequency is a concept I still need to simph, meaning, fuse my intuitive understanding with a more scientific way of reasoning it. Essentially, to me, I don’t feel like diving into more information about this right now.

I was writing this due to feeling at odds in my relationship with another person right now, who doesn’t understand my way of being, and though she judges, just wants to communicate. I have put up a shield between us, energetically, imaginatively, because a lot of negativity and WORRY comes my way from this person. I can’t stand it. I can’t even sit it. I want a harmonious relationship with her, and to be able to communicate a kind of reasoning behind why I am the way I am. I am aware that I can seem WEIRD. The shield is red. That is the color I keep seeing when I ask the question of what frequency, so sick of that word, will protect me from her judgement.

I need to live somewhere nourishing, supportive. SUPPORTIVE. I am about to embark on a traveling adventure, and anyway, though I am mighty grateful for what I have been given, and the support I do have, even from this woman, it’s time for la change.

Back to the orgy. the Earth has me wrapped, has vines flowing through me, the sky is mouth fucking me, and I am layed there, standing there and receiving. A spiral dances up my spine, my core, like a floating helix. It continues up, and stops around the top of my head. Like the helix of coding for life. Breasts squeezed by the planet, a vine slivers down my right, just the side, a shiver slides down my torso, the middle. The coded helix jumps off the top of my head, slides into the cave of my ear. Emerges from my chest, like flashing the world with an idea.

I orgasm through the throat

I is an interesting symbol. I magine it. A line vertical. Two horizontal above and under. the little i’s are better. Capital I’s should be reserved for groups. i lie beneath a crystal sky, focused on love as I write these words, these STRINGS OF SYMBOLS infused with meaning. i sit, i, little i, ego self, sit in a chair in Starbucks. i’m, am i going to stop the capital? i’m also in another world, another frequency or vibration, what have you, of energy. Imagination, real or not, my body registers it. Imagination®

Our bodies are the corporations. Multinational, international conglomerates of cells making decisions. My mouth is open to this sky, of energy, of another place. God’s dick is up there, in space, raining down information, cosmic ideas. God’s joystick.

I let it rain its semen, its divine juice into my mouth. Into my body. He’s jerking himself off, pleasuring himself as he witnesses creation. I want to catch his cum. Meanwhile, mother Earth is fucking me. I’m a horny soul, ok. I’m like Pan, Earthy and sensual and like to feel the things that can’t be perceived any other way. It’s the cosmic threesome, continued, me in the middle, for now. Really, what’s happening is energetic. She slides vines around me, in this wood chair that becomes a wood stump that i am stood against. Stood, I have ripped off a certain way of writing from a friend. WHO WILL WRITE ON THIS THING. HE IS THE BEST. If you are curious, encourage him. Mysterious friend. God’s god cock in my mouth now, vines wrapped around me, holding me down. And the energy flowing through my body, swirls in my breasts, a bit personal here, I have no filter, gotta NOT CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK/FEEL. If it’s not serving your deeper desires. If it makes no sense. Sense is physical. Anyway. her hands on my chest, sliding down and feeling a rush of warmth and life gush down me and her finger inside me now, the finger of the planet. Changes shape, to hit the right buttons, to strike the right chords. Sweet and salty and fire. Those are the drinks I’ve been served tonight. That I chose. H is a symbol that can be used to fight monsters, according to a little girl. A special, beautiful girl. But there are no monsters in this frequency. Just sex. Just love. Tongue tasting God, I ask him a favor. Purify me, universe, manifestation of cosmic mind, of anything I’ve put out there, that I didn’t mean. That i didn’t really want. That was created due to fear. Images being burned into my forehead. Symbols. Frequencies. God, source, whatever it is, male dynamic of existence, part-source I guess, puts a hand to my chest. Transmission. The earth puts its finger deeper inside. SSssssss. The snake. Don’t fear. Be fearless now.

Desire moves through us always. i feel it in my throat.

The energy is a threesome

It comes down through the sky and it moves up from the Earth. It meets and melds and joins and fuses inside the human body. It is a threesome with cosmic energy and that of land, that of matter, that of life and that of nature. Those are three. The triangle. It is this moment, and it is my desire. I want that energy to bond inside me. It is my own space. What shape is it.

I am sitting in the greenhouse at a university I’m technically registered at (good resource, they even have an electron microscope! Woooo). Absolutely nothing, or mostly nothing to the people who I sitting a bit too close to (I tend to feel irritable when I don’t have my own space. I find other people are often unknowingly negative and I really don’t like it.) But I couldn’t focus until now. Didn’t want to rude out with headphones. The energy, the frequency, the harmony, flows down from the cosmos and into my head, my heart. I’m also tired, and feel extra fragile. In the nerves.

I had a session with an amazing very intuitive life coach this morning, at 11:11. I had the image in my mind of us (and for some reason, didn’t want to voice it to her, sometimes I shy away from my intuitions, they can be weird) standing like giants above the Earth, our heads against backdrops of stars, sending a giant sort of double helix shape into the universe. It was like a fused double helix, I’ll find the shape. It was the frequency of collaboration and creativity… I will have to e-mail her about it, yeah, working out my own logistics on a blog. DEAL! I am back on that time river (if you’ve seen my previous post) and fishing for the fish of my now desire. It is the feeling of energy moving into me like I am the centre point in an hourglass, and out of me through my throat, like a celebration, like music.

I have been feeling sexual lately. I mean, I have been since I was a teenager. But it’s activating now. I’m allowing it. I am polyamorous. Right now. It means I want to love and be intimate with more than one person. I find it a bit wild I am jumping into it, but it’s where I find myself. I mean, I also love the universe. God, source, creator, mystery. I like the term mystery. Fuck me, Great Mystery. Everybody’s a part of it. I’ve been entertaining the concept of uh, more than two people parties, more, more recently. A little nervous about where it’s going to lead me. You trust desire, and desire takes you to places you cannot control and expect. But the key is that by nature, it’s where you want to be. It can’t go wrong.

Relationship to Time, Fish of Desire

Time. People see time in a certain way, and that’s not right or wrong. But, it could be seen in a way that serves our purposes better. What that way is, I only have an idea, for one way. Or a few. I want to use time, for growth, for creation, for love, and getting vague, but this is written in a bit of a free flowing, unplanned style. The main intention behind these words is to raise frequency, which I guess I should explain what that is. My mind is a bit angry with me for writing these words, as though I shouldn’t be for some reason it would not explain. My mind is not very compassionate towards me, yet. Reflects in my relationships, maybe. I’m learning and intending to be more compassionate to others. To release my expression from shackles of fear. Love. That is the intention behind these words. To express, to love, to give information that I have, to receive information that I don’t. I’m a bit selfish, I think I could learn more from you than you can from me. I mean, that is ideal. I think I do have a lot of information to share, and ideas, and creativity, but I’d rather we collaborate on many things as well. As a woman, my relationship to time is very physical. I experience it with the moon, with blood. It is the frequency of desire I want to encode in these words. I should explain again, what I mean by frequency. My mind is again angry that I’m dropping that information here. My mind can be dumb. Which means that it can’t hear, right. Love. So my desire, with time right now, is to work better with it. Like I said, to use it for my purposes. And by sharing, give you the opening (if you don’t have one currently) to explore these avenues of creativity as well. And not so seriously, more playfully. Life is a game, in a huge way. Existence is a game. Winning is continuous, and maybe impossible. It’s about playing. I have a lot of ideas and am not very organized, though I can pretend to be. Hormones balanced. In tune with the moon.

Work with the moon, plan my weeks according to it. Though I also like the number 13, for time cycling. On my time bike. Loveeeee. Time is now. That’s the truth, I think. One of them. One of mine. I’ve heard this idea, you’ve heard this idea, nobody understands this idea. Most people don’t. Yet. I like the idea, possibility, that the past is a reference library. I think memory is a tool, not a refuge, or shouldn’t be. Doesn’t need to be. Your choice, really, if you want to camp out in the fields of your memory for the rest of your life. Or dip your toes in to the waters of the present moment. Because time is now, like I said. That past isn’t where you would benefit from most. Right now, you are connected with your desire. Milk the past for all its worth, learn from it, and move on. Not harsh, I’m being harsh. Tom Robbins. Help me. (I want to e-mail this guy). Time is this. Moment. They say be in the moment. Those directions are hard to follow. What does ‘being’ mean? What does it mean. I need to try the dvorak keyboard, man. Apparently it saves my fingers many kilometres of movement. Like 30 kilometres, in an hour. Fingers go places, man. I’m so in love with the universe, and I guess not hiding the ADD anymore. Too hard and annoying to write and edit a million times so it seems more coherent. It loses something when I do that… Fluidity is what I want. Moon in pisces, hells yes. For all the astrology gourmets out there. Slide the blue bar down, down into the future, through the rivers of now. Time as a river. This moment is where everything lives. Because even thoughts about the future, and the past, exist in this moment, in your mind. You are flowing down a river. You can go fishing, fish for you desires. They say be in the moment. But how? It can be hard to latch your awareness on to the ever-changing landscape that just isn’t all that interesting if you’re missing something vital. Yourself. To be in the moment, and remember, these are ideas, these are to be played with, they are cookies, they are toys for your mind. Educational toys, I HOPE. But they aren’t serious. They aren’t truth. To latch yourself into this river, to flow nicely with it, I believe you need the fish of desire. I’m not sure what Jesus fishes are all about, but this fish is a bit less pious. Or could be. This fish is you, a part of you that drives you, that your logic is wrapped around, and you don’t even know it. Or might not. Some say it lives in the center of your stomach, this fish, energetically, but here I go, discussing energies again. It’s a vocabulary that doesn’t resonate with everyone and is very new-age, I admit. I want to symph it- meaning, get the scientific information (sci-inf = symph) to validate or disprove or just flesh out the information I have acquired intuitively. Energies, frequencies, these terms are found in physics. But they’re used in a way… anyway, that IS a topic for another post. Thing. Article? Cookie. I am on time now. The river flows, the fish are all around you. Instead of looking for fish far back, or far ahead, which are harder to get, naturally, look for one right beneath you. The fish might surprise you. It will largely be based on somethings you may not have payed attention to. The trick is in your body. Anyway, enough about time bikes and now rivers and desire fish. My mission, ah, well I guess it’s become about discussing now. Identifying your desire right now, the real ones, not what you think you want (which isn’t always what you want) and following it, is all you need to do to feel good. In fact, you don’t even need to follow it to feel good. Because desire is actually something you already have. It’s a feeling. I hope you forget anything you’ve read in this that doesn’t help you, inform you, amuse you, and hold on to whatever induces growth, pleasure, joy. Enlightenment- which means more light- which I am not sure of scientifically (gotta symphe this), means more information. Information is freedom. Information is love, is freedom from fear. I am getting a bit, this is a lot of info. Now is here. Desire is folded into it, and is easily or at first, perhaps, with a bit of challenge, found inside you. Whatever you’re seeking is in the feeling of that desire. You just need to trust it. My current desire (not my grape desire, maybe it will evolve into that soon. Oh god, soon), is for communication. I know this, not becuase my mind is all ‘i wanna communicate now’. In fact my mind is buzzing in various directions, it’s not clear through my mind what I want. I find it in feelings. In imagery. There is truth in our feelings, I mean, relative truth. No absolute truth in this world, I don’t think. But soul truth. Inner truths. I don’t mean emotions. Not completely. Emotions can be reactions. I don’t mean reactions, I mean soul, gut, cellular (not phones, though cells can pick up quite a lot of information, another sympthe-needing thing) feeligns. Feelign. Speeling mistakes can be telling. Hehe. I want to write, express more on tuning into feelings, later. But then, do I really want it? I can only know what I want right now. And that is the feeling of it, the frequency, energy of it. Sorry, I know I’m breaking some inner rule by going too deep into the new-age vocab. I need more words for ‘energy’, more understandings. I will leave you on the note of desire.

Please describe in the comments what your desire is right now. You can stick to the fish metaphor or not. What are you feeling the need, the urge, the instinct for RIGHT NOW. Let me know! Let’s make the river of now that we’re all sailing down a little brighter and more colorful.